Topic: Acknowledge pain and trauma as the first part of the healing process: What actually happens when you report Violence
Author: Girl Talk Malawi
Over the last 100-plus years, we have fought for the right to not be violated and for our bodies to not be grounds of various forms of violence, and as we make progress each decade, a new form of violence emerges along with it, with the constant being the persistent barriers to justice for violence against women.
In many African countries, commonly shared barriers include Cultural and societal norms that lead to victim blaming and slut-shaming, which in turn leads to a reduction in the number of reported cases of violence.
This socially created hostile environment for justice has deterred many victims and survivors of violence from reporting and sharing their experiences. The non-sympathetic legal systems further contribute to this hostile environment.
Oftentimes, our advocates in the feminist and civil society spaces have spent endless funds on empowerment and encouragement to report violence, while this is in every way necessary, we also often forget that the reason survivors and victims of violence prefer to not report is that, the reporting process itself is dreadful, long, expensive and exhausting.
“Many times, I have dropped cases of violence, be it my own or other, because the process was too long, and it seemed easier to just try and move on; whether this meant leaving the job, moving cities or choosing to not leave the house for months”. (insert name of the person)
Therefore, perhaps it is time to spend a little of our effort talking about what exactly happens when you report violence.
Initial Relief
Relief
-A feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress-
A sigh of relief is what it feels like, a load off, victory, and success. It feels better than getting a promotion.
Almost like a validation that you did the right thing, finally. After spending months, of wondering whether it would be all right reporting him, months of being uncomfortable sharing space with him. Months spent drafting, editing, and redrafting my speech, for when I finally mustered the courage to speak up.
They never tell you that in all the posters shared, encouraging women to speak up, to break the silence. No one tells you that.
Not even the Lawyers. Not the Human Resource officer. Certainly not the Police.
Initial Anxiety
Anxiety
-Feeling or showing worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome-
It happens almost right after you feel relieved. In our African societies, we grow up being told to never report violence because that would mean we are going against the family; and if not, we are taught that if we are violated, it is our fault because of what we wore or where we were et cetera.
And so because of that, after the relief of reporting the incident, it starts to dawn on you that you just reported what happened, and everything you feared and contemplated before reporting is about to happen.
The feeling is gut-wrenching and suffocating, and you will feel alone. It is important to reach out to a friend, because the silence becomes louder and the anxiety deafening, like a banshee’s scream. It feels like it will never end.
Panic
Panic
-Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior-
Right in between feeling the urge to recant, you will panic. This is when the anxiety has complete control over you, you are most likely in between loud sobs, and pacing and your heart feels like it will exit your chest cavity.
The deep breaths they say you must take to calm down from a panic attack will likely not work, your head might throb, and your palms will be sweaty. You will have a panic attack and the world around you will feel like a dark space with no light in sight.
Attempt to Recant
Recant
-Say that one no longer holds an opinion or belief, especially one considered heretical-
The anxiety and panic will create an internal environment of discomfort, guilt, and regret, and you will feel like making the phone call, sending that text to say you misunderstood, you were wrong, or even saying you were joking because recanting seems easier.
You will also start thinking of an exit plan. Should you just leave that job or move to a new city, or never leave the house again?
Anxiety and Panic
At this point, anxiety and panic are a familiar feeling, so while you are still in a state of panic, it will be a little bearable because it is slowly sinking in that you took the first step to freeing yourself, a necessary step to taking your power back, so you slow down, you listen to heart beat slow down.
The Calm
-Not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other strong emotions-
You will have a moment where you remember why you had to report the incident, flashbacks of the incident will occur, and you might find yourself crying again. Nevertheless, crying is an important part of the healing process, letting it all out. The panic attack has passed.
The Relief
The storm has passed, no, not the storm of what is about to happen, the long dreadful process, but your internal storm has passed. And at the very least, you did your part to bring down and put away one perpetrator, and regardless of what happens next, someone or more people now know exactly what kind of predator the perpetrator is, and that is something to be proud of.
The Empowerment
You did it, you made through to the last, and you should feel proud. Now, you take back your power, and start healing.
